Being the partner to someone living with PMDD can leave the partner feeling frustrated, especially when they aren't sure what to say or how they can help.
Here's a partner's guide.
I'll keep this simple.
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Validate your partner when they tell you that they're struggling. Bonus points if you track their cycle and follow their patterns. Use validating phrases like: “I believe you. This sounds really hard.”
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Soften the environment. Over stimulation can worsen symptom severity. Here's a few ways to help: lower lights/noise, close "tabs"/help more with chores.
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Offer concrete help. Say things like: “I can handle dinner and texts etc; want me to sit with you or give you some quiet?”
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Give them space and take NOTHING personal if possible
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Use a gentle tone - small changes in tone can be perceived as an attack
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Learn how PMDD impacts your partner so that you can understand what is happening in their mind/body. Click here to learn all about PMDD.
what can you help with?
Meals
school runs
emails
chores
warm tea
heat pad
safe walk
errands
phone calls
appointments
offer alone time if they need it
offer to sit with them, watch a show together etc (they may not want this though, sometimes solitude is best when they're already so overstimulated by their own body and mind)
don’ts
try fixing/arguing (circle back when your partner is feeling like themselves again
minimize the experience (“just PMS”)
make surprise plans
tough-love pep talks
critique
shame
guilt
sexual
labido often reduces during the luteal phase. Be prepared for a decreased interest in sexual activities
FAQs
How do I remember timing?
Put cycle dates in a shared calendar with “support week” reminders
When do we escalate?
If there’s self-harm talk/plan → follow safety plan, call supports/crisis resources
