To many people, this may not seem like a big deal. But to me...as a superfan for two decades...it was one of the biggest deals of my life. I know they say to never meet your heroes, but I did and I have zero regrets. Well...maybe one regret. While parts of our meeting left me elated....on a Kelly Clarkson high if you will.. while the other part of our encounter...left me absolutely mortified.

Let me tell you how it began.

It was a day like many of my days. Outside, the dust of the day has settled along with the sun, nestled in its dance with darkness, shielding us all from her light. I’m doom-scrolling social media in the bathtub, with bubbles stretching across the surface- delicately dwindling away, bit by bit.

 Typically this is the place where my best marketing ideas come to me, the bath tub I mean. My brain works better when I'm surrounded by water. If this isn't proof that mermaids exist, then I don't know what is. Because of water's odd impact on my ability to use my brain, it’s not unusual for me to use the tub as my secondary office.

Tonight though, I’m skipping my usual marketing routine... because tonight, I can’t focus for shit. So for tonight, I’m causing trouble on the internet and chatting with my customers like old friends. As I'm bouncing back and forth between Facebook groups, a familiar face pops up.

Wait. When did Kelly Clarkson start her own TV show?

A month later, I’m sitting a few rows deep in Kelly Clarkson’s studio seats. The studio itself is colorful, trimmed in weathered wood, and smaller than I thought it would be. As my eyes scan the room - stopping to appreciate the wall of guitars -  I notice the director, motioning us, asking us to move to the front. Nervously, I glance at Jose next to me.

Where are they taking us?

I look around at the other guests for reassurance, to see if they are going too.

When most of them don’t move, I start to feel uneasy. Am I being kidnapped? Don’t be ridiculous. The conspiracy theories about Hollywood and human trafficking dance through my head. You need to get a grip.

It’s in this moment though that I realize just how easy I could be kidnapped. All they would have to tell me is “Hey you dirty ho! Kelly Clarkson is in this van” and I’m a goner. Good as dead.

The stage lights flash above, capturing my fragile attention span. My thoughts shatter like glass, bringing me back to the present. My eyes dart over to the director who’s still motioning us to follow him. Reluctantly, I get up from my seat and reach for Jose’s hand. I can tell by his face that he thinks I’m being sweet, but truthfully I’m just trying to cling to the only human GPS I have. Plus, crowds fucking scare me. Especially moving ones.

The director points to the set, motioning for us to stand next to the band on the stage. Like the super fan that I am, I recognize some of their faces immediately. They've been touring with her for years. Over the next few moments, the director positions us in our places and then counts to three.

“One, two, threeeeeee.” What’s happening?

At the end three, the lights go out, submersing me and my anxiety in a crowd of darkness.

Moments later, the spotlight turns on and Kelly’s angelic voice begins to fill the room. As my eyes adjust to the light, it takes me a few seconds to realize she’s standing right next to me.

When I do, a weird noise escapes my mouth and I flap my hands in excitement. It was this excitement that sabotaged the shot.

“Cut” Someone yells. “Let’s go back to the beginning.” I can feel my face get hot. Mortified, I look at the ground. I want to die...twice. Just to make sure it sticks. 

If she yells at me for being stupid I will fall over dead. I will pass away beneath these ridiculous lights.

Kelly catches my gaze, gives me a brief smile, as if to say "it's ok" but doesn’t say anything.

I can feel my cheeks flush.

“From the top!” the director hollers to the crew.

The spotlight hovers over Kelly once again, basking her in it’s glow. She looks like like an angel, her blonde hair framing her face, but the spotlight looks different this time. If I was a weirdo, I would say, I'm almost sure I can see her aura. 

It's a delicate shade of blue. 

Ok let's face it together.

I am a weirdo. And it was definitely blue.

Seconds later, her beautiful voice begins to float across the room once more. A few notes in, my eyes are already watering with tears. You’re such a fragile bitch.

This time, they get the scene in one shot. When the song ends, we head back to our seats to finish watching the show.

When the show ends, Kelly wanders over to the director who just happened to be adjacent to our seats. When I look up, she's inches from me again. I feel slightly panicked and I'm not sure why. 

She laughs at something the director says and in the midst of this, our eyes meet.

She doesn't break her gaze which instantly makes me panic more than I already was, because as usual, I have no idea what to say. I know that sounds silly coming from a writer, but I can assure you I am far different in person. Dull as a doorway.. that is..if the doorway liked books and puzzles and ample amounts of alone time, dancing in their room.

Seconds have gone by now. I can't tell you how many because it felt like a lifetime.

Just when I'm about to break the gaze because I can't take it anymore, se speaks.

"I like your hair," she says smiling and gesturing to my head. 

For a moment, I don't realize she is even speaking to me. When her eyes are still locked on mine, I realize she is directly speaking to me. Sometimes I forget that I stand out in a crowd. There's nothing special about me you see. It's just that you can see my hair coming from a distance. It's a ridiculously vivid shade of blue.

Somehow I manage a thank you and lucky for me, she keeps talking. "I think it's really cool when people do the bright colors. I had red at one point with streaks," she explains to me, attempting to relate to me in true ADHD fashion. I recognize it immediately. 

I don't tell her I remember because I'm positive it will make me sound like a creep. Afterall, she's referring to a hairstyle she had over 15 years ago. A style I had gladly copied at one time.

Instead of exposing myself for the creep that I am, I nod appreciatively  like it was the first time hearing of it. 

In the next instant, the producer touches her arm, ushering her away. She sends a little wave and I'm left there..speechless. Did that really just happen?

The strangest part of this encounter (aside from my social awkwardness) is that one year prior, I had a dream that I would meet Kelly Clarkson in the fall. And then, the very next fall....I did. 

Meeting Kelly Clarkson, was literally a dream come true. I met her again, a year later, and she was just as lovely. Plus, look at the way she is looking at me. She looks like an angel that somehow landed on earth. 

As we left the studio that day, I see her vintage bronco driving past us. At the sight of it, I impulsively scream her name.

“Kellllllllyyyyy.”

I know, I know. Fangirl and half. Cringe even, but I’m nothing if not cringe, I promise.

To my surprise though, she puts her hand out of the window and waves.

Day made. Again.

Oddly enough, I would meet her again, after this. Each time, she told me she liked my hair. And If I'm being honest... I'm still a little high on her compliment. It may even be my favorite kind of high.

Who's your favorite artist? I'd love to know. Feel free to drop them in the comments below.